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Best care and nutrition,
I am a teacher who is off during the summer. My neighbors’ children, who are about the same age as me (9 and 10), knock on my door every morning around 9 am.
I’m not a morning person and I want to enjoy my time sleeping in. My children know this from their mother and sometimes they sleep in, but even when they are awake they are certainly not ready for company. The kids knock on my door all day. Often they haven’t eaten at home and are hesitant to leave when I’m preparing meals for my kids or when I just want them to go home. Their mother works at night and sleeps during the day, so she may not even be fully aware of her children’s behavior/routine. How do I politely set boundaries without sounding rude or selfish?
—Home for the summer
Dear Home,
You can politely set a boundary with the kids by telling them clearly – and maybe even putting a sign on the door saying – that no knocks are to be had before… well, whatever time you choose. Tell them that just as they know not to wake their mother, you don’t want to be woken up from your sleep either. And say please.
But I’m also concerned about the fact that you have two young children living next to you who are not being fed or otherwise cared for throughout the day. And that your (apparently) only concern is that they don’t come to you for food or attention. Do your children enjoy playing with them? (For my daughter at that age, having neighbor friends her own age was a godsend: they could play whenever they wanted, without having to rely on their parents to arrange playdates. Those neighbor kids were always the ones who did she look out for when she looked back? Not necessarily. But they were her steady friends, almost always available, and kids love having steady friends.) If your kids want to play with the neighbor kids, would it kill you to have them? to be kind and generous to them?
Now, if your children if you feel addressed, it would be different. So talk to your kids about it before you do anything more than put up a Do Not Disturb until 12:00 sign. And by “all about this” I mean both set more boundaries as requested by your children and let these hungry children stay for dinner or a snack. And think about what you said about their hesitation to go home when you “just want them to go.” This sounds heartless to me. They are children. They are left to their own devices all day long. Is it your responsibility to take care of them? No. But would it be kind? Would it be? Good– if you allow them to bask in your hospitality (again, if your children are happy with the status quo)? It certainly would be. And it is always better to do good than not.
—Michelle
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